Monday, May 18, 2009
Worst Director Ever
This cartoon, by Tilman, warrants some explanation. This might take a while. It's referring to my last student shoot which went quite badly. On our return to school I had discovered that word had already got around that I was wreaking of alcohol, stoned, and that I'd nearly killed my dog.
THE DOG - The shoot was on location in Castlemaine, which seemed like a nice place. I'd booked cast and crew into a hotel and a caravan park. I brought my dog with me as I figured he could sleep in my van at night and hang around with us in the day.
When we got to the GREAT NORTHERN Hotel in Castlemaine it was discovered that out room didn't have a key. "It's OK, we just leave everything open." Of course no one wanted to stay there so I decided to stay in the Northern myself as I'd already paid for it (more of that later) as the caravan park would not take the van in with my dog in it, so I left it outside with him tied to it. One day, I was meant to drop in for a quick meeting and left the dog in the car, WITH THE WINDOW OPEN and a BUCKET OF WATER! After a HALF HOUR! someone noticed so I went and got him out. It WASN'T REALLY THAT HOT COS I HAD THE WINDOW OPEN!
STONED - Apparently the volunteer caterers supplied some "special" muffins to cast and crew on the night of the shoot. I wasn't aware of this until much later but while it was used against me at school some of the crew said "I wouldn't have got through that night if it wasn't for those muffins."
DRUNK - Towards the end of the shoot one of the actors gave me a shot of whisky from his hip flask. OK, I shouldn't have and he shouldn't have been drinking but it was late, cold, we were nearly finished and it was ONE SHOT for fuks sake. It may have been that or it may have been that I'd been up all night in my clothes as the arseholes at the Great Northern would stay up and party all night then their ugly teenage kids would get up in the morning and shout obscene things to each other outside my door.
IN CONCLUSION - What did I learn from this experience? I'm not really sure but I did learn that some people really are arseholes and when you're falling they'd rather kick the shit out of you than help you up. DON'T HAVE THESE SORT OF PEOPLE ON SET!